[The following parable is brought to you by the letters ‘P’ (plutocrat), ‘F’ (fascist), and ‘L’ (lout)]
P: Listen F, I hear you’re going big on your scapegoat-bashing campaign to win the upcoming election. I have plenty of money to help you if you’re willing to help me.
F: What would you like, Mr. P? Let me guess – tax cuts for the likes of you; cutting regulations that get in the way of you doing whatever you want; cutting benefits and public services for the poor so there’s more money to subsidise your companies; and crackdowns on anyone making a nuisance of themselves protesting against your business activities. Is that about right?
P: You’ve got the gist of it. You commit yourself to that, I’ll pay you whatever you need to win power, and stay in power.
F: Don’t worry, Mr. P, your donations will be nothing compared with the extra money that will be coming back in your direction. But excuse me for one second, L, another pint, mate?
L: Thought you’d never ask. And a packet of crisps. Is this going to take much longer? I’ve got a protest to go to, throw a few bricks, that sort of thing. I don’t want to be late.
F: We’re nearly done. Here, have another pint, then you can go join your mates.
L: Cheers! I’ve been looking forward to it all week. We might outnumber the coppers this time.
P: F, he’s not going to that protest against one of my fossil fuel subsidiaries, is he? I heard that was happening today.
F: No, of course not. He hates any pro-environment initiative, detests ‘Net Zero’ – I told him to, not that [in a whisper] he has a clue what that is. No, he’s going to a protest against there being too many immigrants in our country.
P: You mean illegal immigrants?
F: No, immigrants, they hate immigrants, full stop. Love blaming them for everything. Thrive on telling them to go home.
P: My father migrated here, and this is his home.
F: Take it easy, Mr. P. My wife’s an immigrant too. L and his mates have a go at the people we encourage them to have a go at. But they know better than to upset anyone I don’t want them to upset.
P: You’re confident of that? L and his kind are not going to get out of hand? I’m not just talking about immigrants. When we get the chance to cut their healthcare, completely ruin public transport, make it even more difficult for them to get a half decent place to live in, and take away what protection is left for workers, they won’t like it. They’re a volatile bunch and could turn on us.
F: You need not worry, Mr. P. They listen to me. The more upset they get, the more we wind them up to hate migrant workers, refugees, benefit claimants, people with disability, feminists, environmentalists, socialists – there are plenty of scapegoats in the sea. But whatever happens, they won’t bother you. I’ll make sure you’re known as one of the good guys – Christian, patriot, entrepreneur. Practically a saint.
P: To be honest, I’m a bit nervous about all this ‘God and Country’ stuff you throw around. I don’t go to church. I can’t stand any talk of Christian compassion for the poor. One of my companies sells arms to countries not exactly friendly to ours. Another one channels profits to offshore accounts with foreign partners. And the way your people rant about banning abortion even in case of rape, that’s just over the top. I wouldn’t put up with it if, heaven forbid, it should happen to my daughter.
F: Relax. What you do or won’t do – that’s your business. No one is going to know about it. Anyone dares report anything untoward about you, we dismiss it as ‘fake news’. Your public image is that of a great supporter of our magnificent cause – Faith, Flag & Family Values.
L: Right, I’m off. Going to tell those [expletive], [expletive], [expletive], to go [expletive], [expletive]. It’s going to be a [expletives] good day. See you, gents.
P: Wouldn’t want to come across a fellow like him in a dark alley.
F: Come now, Mr. P, we need people like L to build up a movement of hate and anger, to push public support towards politicians like me who will then win the power to get even more money flowing into your coffers. Make your donation to us, and rest assured it’ll be the beginning of a beautiful partnership.
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